


To Gee or Not to Gee | Frerard

by TheyCallMeAngel



Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, bands - Fandom
Genre: ??? idk if i'm gonna put it in there but just to be sure, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Confusion, Crossdressing, Danger Days Era, Gay, High School, Led Zeppelin - Freeform, Love, M/M, Self-Harm, change, danger days, eating problems, gayness increasing, god is gay, my chemical romance - Freeform, tbh, teacher harassment, weight loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 12:15:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6469690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheyCallMeAngel/pseuds/TheyCallMeAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One rejection from that tiny beautiful boy and Gerard decides to turn his life around. He becomes Gee. But what if that rejection wasn't meant to be a rejection? What if there was more to it? And Gee's changes, what were the consequences??</p>
<p>*magicky wavey hands* *accidentally slaps someone in the face* oops</p>
<p>(also published on wattpad)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Can't Always Get What You Want

_You can't always get what you want_

Gerard knew this. Oh boy, he knew this. Because if he did get what he wanted, he would've had that tiny, beautiful boy called Frank Iero a long time ago. Well, for at least a couple of months.

But he'd made peace with the facts that he didn't have Frank, and he was - mostly - okay with it. Sort of. He didn't mope around anymore about it like he'd done the first week after Frank rejected him and called him a 'fag' and had ripped off a piece of Gerard's heart. Frank now held that piece close, even without knowing it.

No, Gerard didn't mope around anymore. He stood up straight - although Gerard was as gay as God (g-spot in the ass, seriously God) - and flexed his muscles. He decided to change. Almost drastically.

No more the long black hair and a chubby face. No more loose clothing to hide his figure. No more shy, hiding, invisible Gerard. No.

In less than two weeks, Gerard had flattened his stomach a bit by working out and eating less, lost some weight and changed his looks. He wore more make-up, mainly eyeliner - a lot of eyeliner -, but he'd also gone to school wearing black lipstick and one day also a pink feathery boa. His flamboyant side was let out. Oh, and he now had bright red hair.

He'd bought a red leather jacket and had extended his wardrobe by buying some pairs of skinny jeans, wife-beaters, tank tops, dress shirts, ties... just some (tighter than before) clothing that made him look H-O-T-!

The first day he went to school looking like his new self, all eyes - or at least a lot - were on him. He no longer was invisible, anxiety-driven Gerard. No, he now was the fabulous, doesn't-give-a-crap, sexy Gee.

People respected him, looked up to him and just bluntly stared at him. He'd been whistled at, flirted with, pulled aside for advice to 'get it going' with someone... People had forgotten all about his old persona and only saw his new one.

And Frank? Well, he now certainly noticed Gee. Gee had made it his personal mission to shamelessly flirt with Frank. People thought Gee slept around - 'I've had only oNE one-night-stand, and that was at a pArtY!' - but in truth, Gee only paid attention to Frank.

Gee was devoted to Frank. They weren't really friends, and Gee hadn't got the slightest clue about what Frank thought of him or if he regretted rejecting Gee - although Gee actually didn't know Frank's sexuality. But hey, multiple straight guys had made out with Gee at parties - and breaking his heart. Frank didn't seem to mind the flirting, tho. He blushed and got shy when Gee made some remarks, but he didn't mind the attention Gee was giving him. No bad attention, just caring and shamelessly flirting. 

_You get what you need_


	2. Wannabe

**Btw, I'm referring to Gerard as Gee, cuz Gee and Gerard are (in this story) two different personas... you'll see :3**

\---

_So tell me what you want, what you really really want,_

For some reason, Gerard was asked to have a talk to the whole junior class. For sex-ed. Homosexual relationships. Both sexual relationships and romantic relationships. Also the difference between the two... The whole fricking junior class, with all his friends – Andy, Joe, Pat, Brendon, Ryan, Tyler, Josh and Ray – and Bob, and Frank. Frank was also in his class. Wasn't that just the greatest! ... And now Gee had to fucking give them a talk about shit that included his own experiences!

The teachers had probably asked him to give the talk because of his 'popularity'. Hell, Gee wasn't that popular. He just got noticed due to his flamboyancy and apparent lack of shame. Shame is a construct of society. They probably thought 'hey, why won't we let that weird gay red-head give them a speech? People would surely turn up and listen!' Ugh. The annoying part was that that was true... People would love to hear more things about Gee's personal life. And his sex-life. And they didn't care that Gee would secretly be so embarrassed, or that he would also have to talk about safety and more details, like the importance of preparing yourself and your partner, condoms, STDs, respect, love... that crap. And of course everyone thought that the speech/talk would be very interesting... As if.

Gee's sex life had actually been very dull. When Frank had bluntly rejected him, Gerard still was an unkissed virgin. Then Gee had happened and he wasn't a virgin anymore, and had been kissed. But Gee didn't actually sleep around. He had had sex with only one guy. Bob. Bob Bryar. The first time was at a party when they were both like two drinks away from drunk and Bob came at him. Gee didn't mind, he was a bit vulnerable after just being his new persona for only a few days back then, and he'd thought it'd do him good to not be a virgin anymore. That first time was messy and painful, but they got through it and Gee had thought the intimacy was nice. It was meant for it to only be a one-night-stand, the infamous one-night-stand, but then Frank happened.

That second time, Gee had just flirted with Frank and was very frustrated, so he needed some relief. It had been just a booty call. A literal call for the booty. Bob's booty. Hehe. By accident, Gee had shouted out Frank's name. Bob wasn't that hurt by it. After all, Bob sort of had a boyfriend – some older dude called Bert – and they were on a brEAk. called Bert, and they were fighting, so Gee was just a hate-fuck to relief some anger.

The third time, Bob had called Gee and it was sweeter. They'd both needed some intimacy. Bert had just broken up with Bob, and Gee was having a bad day.

In conclusion: Gee wasn't calm in the streets, wild in the sheets ;) People just sucked and prejudged him quickly. And some people just were so narrow-minded!

Not that that came as a surprise... Gee fucking came to school one day crossdressing. The teachers were hilariously awesome about it tho, they just said "Gee, if you want to put on a skirt and tights, please have your skirt a fist length below your butt okay?", but the students had given Gee a lot of strange looks. Gee had looked pretty darn hot in a skirt and tights. And the make-up helped too. Gee was sure he'd made some boys really confused, even if they didn't want to admit it. Frank had shaken his head and chuckled.

_If you wanna be my lover_


	3. Let's Talk About Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe. I just got this song stuck in my head all day..

_Let's talk about sex, baby_

Gee walked into the classroom, holding a paper in his slightly shaking hands. He was nervous. Of course he was nervous. His classmates stared at him, his friends grinning. Gee rolled his eyes and smiled lightly too.

"Okay," he began. Gee looked good. He'd put on some grey skinnies and a black dress shirt. To make it a 'professional'-looking outfit, he'd bought a red tie in a dollar-shop.

Gee scanned the classroom. The teacher, Mr. Plant, was in the back of the class. Gee's group of friends were at the front row. Frank was sat next to the window, looking handsomely cute. Someday, Frank was going to be the death of him. Just wait and see. He just knew it. Gee knew things, remember.

"So," Gee let out a nervous chuckle. "As you all can see, I am wearing a tie. A red tie. Which means I do not only look really good, like a hot teacher" he ran his hands down the tie and in a swift movement of his hands he loosened it a bit. "It also means that I'm very serious. Just like this... subject... we're going to talk about. Yes. We. Not just me." He tried to give the class a stern look, but failed miserably. It just looked cute. "Just a quick poll, who here just came to hear me talk about _my_ sex-life?"

"I wanted to know if you take the dick or you _are_ the dick." Gee chuckled at the comment.

"Depends in what combination I think. But I'm a top, mostly, I think. Wanna try me out?" Gee winked. The boy who'd said it blushed. Gee grinned and then sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling eyes upon him.

"Anyways, let's talk about sex. Let's talk about all the good things, and the bad things that may be. Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic, cuz that ain't gonna stop it. Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be. How it was, and, of course, how it should be. Those who think it's dirty... well, that's their choice. Everybody has sex. I mean, everybody should be making love," Gee dramatized his little introduction by gesturing with his hands. It was a performance. "Come on, how many guys you know make love?" Gee looked at his feet and chuckled some more. The class broke out in whispers.

 _"Did he just quote Salt-N-Peppa?"_ He heard someone whisper. _"Of course he did."_ Someone else.

"We," Gee began again, silencing the class. "should talk about sex. Not only about heterosexual sex or homosexual sex, that's the thing I'm here for fyi," soft laughter. "but we actually also have to talk about the meaning of sex, what sex actually is, because it isn't _just_ penetration of body parts, it's pleasuring your significant other and making them feel good and cared for, showing them affection and being vulnerable around one another, and about queer sex. But the queer sex... I can't really speak for them so I am not going to, and that was not my ass-" small pause. "-ignment." More laughter. Ayy, he was being praised for bad jokes.

"So, sex. Different types of sex. Anyone care to start a list?" He gestured to the class.

"The classic penis in vagina!"

"Lesbian sex"

"Strap-on!"

"Butt-sex!"

"Fisting!"

"Eating out!"

"Fist me, daddy!"

 _Oh god_ , Gee thought. I shouldn't have asked that. I should _not_ have asked that. Oh well. The class was laughing, as it were just two persons – Brendon and his cute boyfriend Ryan – who were shouting the things.

"Enough, enough." Gee stopped them, before they were going to yell out every kink of theirs... And, as Gee knew, they had a lOt.

"So yeah. There are a lot of ways to have sex. It's mostly assumed to do oral or penetration, but if you don't want that, don't like that or just want to try something else, discuss it with your partner. Consent. Consent is key." Ugh, this felt forced. He meant it, he did, and all of it was true, but it still felt forced.

In the next thirty minutes, Gee talked about sex, condoms, love and STDs. The floor was his and soon he'd felt more comfortable speaking, and making small jokes.

"So... that was my speech on sex. Any questions?" He looked through the classroom again, and suddenly his eyes locked with Frank's. He'd tried to not look at Frank during the whole 'speech', but now he just couldn't keep his eyes away. Frank was smiling, giving him a small nod. Gee felt as if he turned as red as his hair. The class softly laughed at him. Not in a mockingly way, just because it was funny to see the big Flirt blush.

"How many sexual partners have you had?" At that question, Bob's head popped up. Gee glared at Brendon, who'd asked it. He laughed, to make it seem like didn't care that the question was asked. But of course he did.

"Well, mate. That, unfortunately, is none of your business," He closed it off with a wink, to relieve the tension between him and the class. Gee saw Bob's shoulders relax. Brendon chuckled. He knew about him and Gee. Asshole. 

_I mean, everybody should be makin' love_ **[Unless you don't want to ofc]**


	4. What Is Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaahh, due to laptop problems the first draft of this chapter got deleted :(((((((((

_I give you my love, but you don't care_

 

Gee had to get out of there. Out of the classroom. As quick as possible. Why? Well, Mr. Plant had had his hand on Gee's lower back for a dreadful seven minutes now and it was bothering the hell out of Gee.

Not even looking - or staring - at Frank made him feel better.

Mr. Plant had insisted on applauding Gee and making thank-you-s to him in the front of the class after Gee had ended his sex talk, and he hadn't let Gee sit down yet. It had been the longest ten minutes of Gee's life. Faking being calm and being Gee and controlling himself. _Fuck_.

*white-girl voice* Oh my god, someone's hand was on Gee's lower back??!!! Big deal right, especially for the flirty gorgeous red-haired boy? He was totally aSking for it, that strange homo!

No. Plant was harassing him. Making Gee feel molested.

Plant was tracing slow circles around Gee's lower back, sometimes even tracing his hips. The only thing separating his fingers and Gee's skin was the thin black dress shirt Gee was wearing. Gee was so uncomfortable, but he couldn't go anywhere yet. Anxiety made him stand still too, only a drop of sweat forming on his forehead.

Gee was so confused, was his teacher hitting on him? Flirting with a sTUdent? Was he asking for it? Probably, by the way he was dresse- No. NObody was asking for it when they hadn't said anything. Plant was harassing him.

 _Is Mr. Plant queer??_ Gee's thoughts were all over the place, forming one ball of confusion. Gee was confused about everything. About his teacher's intentions, about the meaning behind it, about his own feelings towards it... Like, Mr. Plant was in his mid-twenties, and not at all ugly - dude, he could be seen as hot - and he rocked the skinny jeans, almost more than Gee, but he was his fucking tEaChEr. Oh god. His teacher. His fucking teacher! And he made Gee feel too damn uncomfortable, as if he were Gerard again for ten minutes.

"So in conclusion, we learned a lot today about Gee and the queer ways to live," Plant finally ended and winked at Gee and the classroom. Not even a second later, the bell rung. _Fucking finally._

Without saying a word, or even looking at anyone in the classroom, not even his friends, Gee grabbed his bag and hurried down the hallway, elbowing his way through the crowd of students that was getting bigger and bigger every second. He felt like the walls were closing in on him and he felt sick. He rushed towards the first floor toilets as he felt anxiety and panic slowly consuming him, suffocating him, gripping at his throat and squeezing. He was shaking. Badly.

Storming into a stall, he slammed his bag on the cold floor in a corner and he heaved above the toilet. He emptied his stomach rather quickly, feeling the effects of his panic attack. Fortunately the shaking didn't cause him to miss the toilet.

It was a familiar feeling. The panic attacks. Fuck. All too familiar. Both the anxiety, the panic attack and the puking.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity-fuckity-fuck-fuck-FUCK._

His head began to scream all sorts of things at him. Not that he heard voices. No, he was screaming at himself. Internally. Memories of the past summer flooded back into his brain. God, he was so messed up...

And all of it for Frank. All of it, for Frank. For that one cute tiny kid at the windowside of the classroom. Because he had hurt Gerard's feelings by calling him a 'fag', Gerard became Gee in order to proof something, to seduce him.

Ye, of course "change is good" and "Gee is in a more confident place" but all that crap had brought more shit with it.

Right now, it didn't make any sense. Why did he pull himself through all that torture for one word? It was true. _I am a fag. A dirty old fag. I deserve it._  
Gee smacked himself on the cheek, trying to force out those thoughts. He shouldn't think like that. He really shouldn't get back into the spiral of self-loathing.

He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve feeling dirty and molested. He didn't deserve getting triggered into a panic attack.

Why did he have to love Frank. Why.

Suddenly he heard someone coming in. _If it's him I'm gonna cry._

He emptied his stomach one more time, and he was now hugging the toilet, clamping himself to it tightly, trying to control the shakes. Didn't work.

"Gee? Gerard?" _Speak of the devil and he shall appear._

Gee let out a choked sob. It was him. Of course it was him. Why was he there?

"Gee? I know you're in there." He knocked on the stall Gee was in. "What happened? Do you want to talk? Do you need me to take you home?" It was only the third period. "I saw the panic on your face when you practically ran out of the classroom and I saw you make your way in here." Gee heard Frank sit down through his own sobs and shakes and heavy breathing. "I know you are not, but are you okay?"

"No. I'm not o-fucking-kay," Gee breathed through his teeth, tasting the vomit.

"Here, wash your mouth," Frank passed a bottle water to Gee through the gap between the door and the floor. Frank held the bottle in his hand, holding it till Gee released the toilet - after flushing it - and grabbed it with his shaky fingers.

"Don't splash it in your eyes for the love of Pete." _Okay?_

He opened it and washed his mouth with the clear substance. He immediately knew why he should not splash it in his eyes.

"S-since when do y-you bring water-thinned-alcohol to sc-school?" Gee stammered. Although the worst part had come and gone, he was still sobbing and his breathing was irregular af.

"If I tell you, will you answer two of my questions?"

"Two?"

"Ye, you're worth more than I am." Frank laughed, trying to pass it off as a joke, but Gee shivered from the words in that sentence.

He took a big gulp from the water bottle and he felt it burn in his throat. It tasted like cough-syrup and felt like it had a high alcohol percentage.

"Maybe another time, me preferably drunk or high and you preferably willing in my bed."

"Are you getting drunk?"

"No. The numb bliss of not giving a fuck after having calmed down from a panic attack."

Frank didn't know what to say. He thought _same_ but he couldn't really say that, could he.

Frank crawled with his small frame  into Gee's stall, surprising him, and looked at Gee.

His heart almost broke. Frank's heart. Gee looked awful. Or, Gerard. He looked like Gerard right now. Stripped of the confidence and the attitude.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Afraid I'll jump you?" Gee took another gulp. He was slightly getting buzzed. There was a lot of alcohol in the water.

"Don't be an ass. I'm taking you home, answers or not."

"Why?"

"Would you let me alone after a panic attack?"

"I'm biased." He grumbled. Frank laughed. Gee smiled because of that. Frank's laugh was one of his all time favorite sounds.

 

_Baby don't hurt me/Don't hurt me no more_


	5. I Won't Say (I'm In Love)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_[OMG THIS PERSON ON THE SERIE I'm WATCHING RN JUST SAID "NO WAY" WHEN I WROTE NO WAy. I AM TELEPATHIC AF GIVE ME A REWARD OR A PSYCH TEST – could use a psych test tbh]_ **

_No chance, no way/I won't say it, no, no_

Frank sat there in the stall with Gerard until he noticed how Gerard's eyes weren't red anymore – yes, Frank was staring into Gerard's eyes and Gerard was staring at Frank's – and how his breathing had calmed down. He didn't care that he had missed at least one class, or that the three people who came into the toilets must have found it strange how two people were sitting in one stall. If one person was standing and the other one kneeling, maybe. But two people sitTing? No Way. 

Frank softly nudged Gerard, getting him back to earth. Why are you so cute. Frank wanted to mentally slap himself. Did he really think that about a probably drunk guy who just had a panic attack and vomited a few times? _A guy?_ What was wrong with him?

"What's up?" His voice cracked, hoarse from the puking and the crying. He rubbed his eyes. Fuck he's cute. Another mental slap. _Fuck._

"Come on, I'm taking you home."

"No, I can go back to class in a bit..." Frank got his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time. Oops. He softly laughed a bit and showed the time to Gerard. His face fell a bit. "We missed lunch and almost two classes," Frank said with a quick laugh. "Your friends are probably worried about you dude. Just go home. Let me take you home," His voice softened at the end of the sentence, and Gerard's eyes widened a bit of surprise because of the genuine care. _Why did he care? Why did he insist on that?_

"Yo, man, I see you as my friend. You flirt with me an' all, and that thing last year," Frank let out a nervous chuckle. "but I see you as my friend man. Don't ever doubt that. Even if we don't hang out and shit." Frank suddenly got very awkward, and a blush crept up his neck. He shook his dark hair in front of his face and smiled some more awkward smiles. It warmed Gerard's heart, and suddenly his body didn't feel the touch of his teacher's fingers on his back. His mind suddenly wasn't talking to him anymore. It now just was Frank. Frank and his kindness and that awkward blush that Gee most definitely saw. And maybe the alcohol that had given him a very welcome buzz also had taken a place in his brain. But it was mostly Frank.

Frank stood up and held his hand out for Gee. Gee took it, and Frank pulled him up. Gee's legs immediately wobbled, and if it weren't for Frank, Gee would've fallen into the toilet. Frank pulled Gee towards him for support, leaving them standing reAlly close to each other. Like 'feeling each other's breath' close. So, really close.

"You okay there?" Frank whispered, not being able to get some volume in his voice.

"I'm a bit... disoriented," Gee laughed.

"I can see that. Are you drunk?" Frank looked at the now empty water bottle. Shit. That hadn't been Frank's intention. And now there wasn't anything left for Frank to consume [insert sad smiley]. Gee shrugged, not sure of the answer. Frank sighed and tried to support Gee good. He was standing on his own feet again, but he still leaned a lot towards Frank. A lOt. _He could kiss me._ Frank thought. _If he leaned forward again a bit. He could kiss me. Do I wAnt him to kiss me? Frank was getting confused again. No. NOt the time for fantasizing about the flirty redhead._

 _I could just kiss him right now,_ Gee thought _. Seriously, just, move forward a bit and kiss the guy. No. We don't know if he wants you to, and it'll be awkward. You'll lose him. He sAid you're his frieND. Not his lOver. HE CALLED YOU HIS FRIEND OMG FREAK OUT ABOUT THAT!!! nO. Stay CaLM. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH._ At that point, Gee's mind was basically jumping out of his skull with excitement. He had it bad. Gee's mind found that very amusing at that point. Probably the alcohol talking. But anyways...

_It's too cliché/I won't say I'm in love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **O.o someone in the hellhole (tumblr) just answered me on the message thing and i'm fangirling over him (i'm trash fyi and sorry for shitty writing. Hmu if u wanna)**


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